Selfishly | Poetry Breakdown

I wish I were a selfish person.

It doesn’t matter. You’ve already decided to go.

Maybe a text will be enough – I know you so well

that the texts you send me are read out in your voice

and I can almost see you nod your head

and smile between the lines.

Or maybe we’ll schedule a weekly call, knowing how busy you are.

Your voice reaches out to my ears and all I have to do is

close my eyes and picture you there.

Yet why does that silence after the call ends have to ring in my ears,

A cruel reminder that you’re not nearby?

I hate it whenever someone says,

“All good things must come to an end”.

If it were so good, then why did it ever have to end?

Maybe this is why I’m not a selfish person.

I can only wish for your upmost indulgence for your happiness,

The most selfless thing I can do for you is letting you go.

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2022 Resolutions

Happy New Year! I hope you and your family are well and staying safe! My boyfriend and I stayed in as usual to be safe and to enjoy each other’s company. Before the New Year’s, I usually try to clean my space as much as I could and for this year, I did a deep clean. I vacuumed every corner – under my bed, under the couch, in hidden crevices, and even in my closet. I threw away old junk that I had been accumulating over the years and reorganized my space to be more accessible. I even found myself doing the laundry on New Year’s Eve, which isn’t a conventional thing to be doing, but hey, I had clean clothes for the New Year’s! It felt really good to come into the new year with a literal clean start. Another thing that my boyfriend and I had started doing since last year was writing down all the negative attributes/wishes for the next year and burning it. There’s something cathartic about releasing all the hurt and watching it burn. Don’t worry, we did it in a safe spot! One thing that I had written last year that still applies to this year was letting the ashes of the previous year help us grow into a better year. I’ve been trying to emphasize with myself over the years that small progress is still progress! It’s commendable!

Last year was full of growth and even though, I didn’t achieve what I had specifically wrote, I believe that I did make a lot of changes, which is the ultimate goal. I made healthier choices with my diet and I did regular workouts resulting in me losing 11 pounds. I feel great about my body now! I didn’t visit 5 new parks in the city, but I did fly solo for the first time and went out of state 3 times! My sleeping habit was rocky (to be honest, it always has), but let’s just say taking melatonin gummies helped me feel sleepy at more appropriate times although I admit that I have pulled an all-nighter one night. It’s still a work in progress, but I’m not going to beat myself like I usually did.

As usual, I’ve written out my resolutions for this year and I’ll be sharing with them with you below. I may or may not add more, but I’m confident that these are the goals I want to try to focus on this year. I will also be linking my previous year’s resolutions if you’re also interested in reading them.

2022 Resolutions:

  1. Heal my inner child – mindfulness, playing with toys, renewing the wonder and awe I had, seeking closure from my past hurt.
  2. Submit my application to Grad School
  3. Do yoga 2x a day
  4. Be more active – play more Pokémon Go as a way to motivate myself to do an outdoor activity with my boyfriend and in general, enjoy the outdoors.
  5. Immerse myself into my crafting hobbies
  6. Go to bed before 2AM and wake up before 11AM – rather than giving myself a strict or too loose of a goal, I believe I’ve found a better and more realistic middle ground that would accomodate to my needs.
  7. Come up with a consistent routine to stick to
  8. Learn the alphabet backwards
  9. Learn more about geography
  10. Break my unhealthy nail cutting/picking habit.

Some of them are easily achievable, but I wanted to have a mix of long-term and short-term goals, so I won’t feel like they’re too far fetched. I’ve strayed away from having ideas as my goals and gravitated more towards goals that could be achieved through an action. Also, my 8th, 9th, and maybe 4th goal could be related with my 1st goal, which by the way, these goals are just in the order of whenever I thought of them.

Thank you for supporting my blog! It’s great knowing that I have people reading this blog for so long! Stay safe and healthy!

Alice

2021 Resolutions

2020 Resolutions

2019 Resolutions

2018 Resolutions

2017 Resolutions

2016 Resolutions

2015 Resolutions

The Silver Lining Dreams | Poetry Breakdown

I see your faces in my dreams and I wonder why you’re there.

You, with your kind face & gentle brown eyes.

I see you as you are now.

I see you as I saw you ­– a young fearless girl who never hesitated

to believe in me even though the world seemed to loom over us.

You, with your soft voice & strong stance.

I see you as I saw you since I haven’t seen you since ­– not like we used to.

You always came to me in my dreams with an outstretched arm.

Maybe it was because you were the first to show me how

friendship can blossom into love and what an unforgettable feeling it is.

Maybe I need to let those parts of me that still linger with them go so I can be.

Maybe I need to become what I learned from them,

lessons I continue to carry today.

Or maybe I simply dream of them as a reminder of the silver lining

that was prevalent in my growing youth.

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Incoming Blizzard | Poetry Breakdown

Hearts rise up like a sip of a glass of water.

I knew what I was like to drown,

lungs filling with water as I thrashed for air.

That’s the difference between you & him.

Bright sounds, loud lights lift me up

until I can no longer see the ground &

your voice still comes through crystal clear.

Truth or fact? Honesty or critic?

Look me up & claim me to be yours so don’t cry

when you search for me and I’ve withered away.

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Loose and Tight | Poetry Breakdown

Sometimes I feel like time takes a detour

around me but light gives me a motherly embrace ­–

making sure my eyes open & close, I rise & fall,

stay out or in from the pesky rays.

While the night approaches like a loose noose, loose vice,

the devil’s kiss where time comes to stay,

reminding me of the hollowness within my mind

ready to be filled with the expansion of hollowness

until light approaches again.

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Anxious | Poetry Breakdown

I do not know what I feel this way.

I do not even know what I feel.

The absolute mind wrenching falling to my gut,

twisting my heart & soul slowly but quickly like a

predatory kill.

The race is on as my heart beats trying to keep up with my

gasping lungs against it all, whatever it is.

And how they echo so loudly

so the echo echoes like pinpricks.

            My body still, unmoving,

            paralyzed by invisible fear.

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Intimacy | Poetry Breakdown

I like it when the streams of water overlap

into an example of how you pour yourself

into me. How fluid the trio turns into one.

I like the sound that rocks make when they

clink together so delicate like how the love

drips into the chambers of my heart.

I like the way the pen rolls smoothly off the

page, forming each word like how each kiss

whispers I love you one letter at a time.

I like how I can feel small enough to fit into

your hands, but when I hold your hands and

walk, we’re large enough to fill the station.

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Nothing is Expected | Poetry Breakdown

Minute hand flex, a raised eyebrow,

trembling fingertips, slightly louder voice

than usual, usual, usual

What is considered usual?

Is it how loudly my magnitude of oddity

does not conform?

That some small gesture may not mean

much to you, but resonates in me

Echoing, echoing, echoing

in my hollow chamber.

Nothing to take hold of it and say

that it is false.

Your words are like imprints left on

my skin if pressed hard enough.

Will fade eventually eventually eventually…

How soon can eventually come?

I seem to be falling to pieces

despite my thoughts being whole,

paranoid of the worst when

nothing is always expected.

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Art of Knowing | Poetry Breakdown

Shyness is subjective because if

you were really shy, you would’ve told me

you didn’t want to see me rather than

leading me on or is that honesty.

Then again, how would I know

I’m just a stranger to you,

nothing more, nothing less.

(as if I could be any less)

I would call you dishonest but then

I would be lying since you knew all along ­–

except you didn’t.

What’s worse is that I knew before

your words flew out of your mouth

and your thoughts clicked in.

What a shame for you

that I have the art of knowing.

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