Double-Edged | Poetry Breakdown

Whenever you asked me, 
“What are you even afraid of?”
I eventually realized that there was no right answer. 
You would follow up by saying,
	“You’re just holding yourself back.”
As if I had a choice. 
I was still little so my fears were simply something larger
like the fear of depth, heights, and volcanos. 

The question ended up following me
whenever my voice shook,
whenever I hesitated,
or even if I had an ounce of doubt. 
I didn’t like that I felt stuck in my room. 
I didn’t like that I needed to cancel plans only to be just in my room. 
I didn’t like it! No! No! No!
It was a double-edged sword – 
would I rather be safe as I know from routine or
be where I know I could be safe but the “could be” 
had other subtexts that were too many to answer in time. 

Hand hovering over the doorknob,
being careful to not make the floorboards squeak.
My existence is just a forethought
so I thought it was polite to keep it as such. 

Now I have an answer to your echoing question,
	“What about you?”