I wish I was a wallflower on the walls wherever you are.
I just wonder what you think of me,
if something ever reminds you of me,
or am I just a faded memory even though
I saw you last month.
I’m just trying to say that I have my regrets
of not saying what I should’ve at the time,
but what can I do now?
I just wish everything would stop
so I could catch my breath,
feel the sun’s warmth,
hear my heart beating,
and freely speak.
My mind won’t stop wondering and wandering
even though I’m bumping into walls and corners.
Such foolish wishful thinking
as I watch you get further
as you get smaller.
Regret verb:
- To feel sorry, disappointed, distressed, or remorseful about.
- To remember with a feeling of loss or sorrow; mourn.
I’d like to say that I don’t have any regrets because whenever I think of a truly regretful thing to do, it would be more action related than spoken. But I don’t know if it’s one of those random invasive thoughts or if it’s truly regret, but I would find myself ruminating over if I had said the right thing over something that had happened. It’s always striking how we always think of things we wished we said or hadn’t said after things had already happened rather than thinking it through during the moment or even accepting what has happened. It feels like it’s too late to take back what could’ve been, but in reality, did it really matter whichever way that it occurred because at the end of the day, it had already happened. Unless you have the ability to stop or reverse time, you’re just going to have to accept that it has happened. I wrote this poem trying to capture the feeling of regret, ruminations, and obsession. It’s okay to have these feelings and I find that it helps to remind myself where I am and how far I’ve come.
Thank you for reading my poem! Feel free to leave a comment and let me know if there’s something you’d like me to write about or simply to start a discussion or even a recipe!
Perpetual Ponderings of Alice Chen 