I hope you’re staying warm!
I find myself at a loss for words
but I feel full of inescapable emotions.
They beat me up and
threaten to drown me.
I find myself struggling to defeat this beast
and almost, just almost give in.
Until I push through the cloud
and wipe my lens clean, do I remember
the softness that was bestowed upon me.
The words you whisper matched my needs
and almost, just almost
my fears dissipated like snow on a sunny day.
Books would spend their time telling tales about
their lost journey until they find purpose within their heart.
Successful people write autobiographies and sign copies
about how they found their way through rocky roads and unusual plateaus.
The ordinary would pick up the proof of living, hold it close to their chest
and almost, just almost
you see yourself doing the same.
I find myself reaching out to you with an open hand
but my feet are walking backwards.
My mind screams of the needs you presented for me
and they become replaced with
haunting self notions.
Until I receive a promise (unlikely) and
until I receive confirmation (unlikely) and
until I hold your soul close to mine again (unlikely)
will my almost be certain.
This poem is about self-doubt and it’s a very personal poem because it’s something that I’ve been having to deal with all my life. Quite frankly, it’s really annoying, so to help me deal with it, I wrote a poem.
The first stanza is a personal statement about doubt that is consuming and really harming the person. The person has will power to continue, but there are times when they almost give up. Now, the second stanza is when the tone takes a slight turn. I chose the word until because it gives a sense that they’re waiting for something to happen and they’re fully aware of what they’re waiting for. I also chose to illustrate doubt as a cloud that blocks your vision and most of the time, the doubt is just you and that there is hope beyond the doubt. It clearly says that it’s not enough for them to break free from the doubt though hence almost, just almost.
In the third stanza, I take a step back from the I and give a perspective with books. It basically talks about how there will be difficulties and there is proof that people push through them, yet there still isn’t enough certainty for the doubt to go away. I tried to communicate my frustration through these repetitive phrases as if you, the reader would be like “Just accept it! Stop doubting yourself! You are the reason for your hurt! It’s okay!” That is exactly what I’m trying to get at.
In the final stanza, it mirrors the first stanza and how they recognize a need but their still being torn away from what they want. It’s a true and sad sign of contradiction. They’re aware of everything they’re putting themselves through but they just want one sense of security. I use the parenthesis to echo the thoughts and that doubt is still certainly there, but the fight will just have to be bigger.
Well, thanks for reading! I hope you liked it! 🙂