There’s this sort of fear about me. It circumnavigates around my mind and I find myself paralyzed to the street and life just kind of goes on. A gaggle of girls pass by me quickly murmuring about the really attractive guy they saw once upon a party and their words pass through me leaving behind a gaping wound. I spot a guy walking towards me, someone who could be, but without a single word or glance, there was never an instance of intimacy. I fiddle with my hands and wonder if creation will do me any good, but my thoughts redirect to needing to move again. Instead of going forwards, I find myself drifting backwards. I find myself looking upon faces and finding other people who either neglected me or I have neglected. Their piercing gaze whispers stories that have been told or stories that die to be held, but I continue drifting away into myself. Questions are added to my confusion with no accompaniment of the answers, but somewhere inside of me, there’s a slight spark of tiredness and not wanting to be stuck in this dreadful cycle. Reaching deep inside of myself, pushing aside the tender memories that I long to hold onto for a second more and pushing aside golden memories that I long to relive again, I find the spark and ignite it. Suddenly I find myself erupting through, my hands pinned to myself because I no longer want to grasp to something intangible.
There is still this sort of fear about me, but for this moment, I cast it aside. I’ve discovered this ability and I’m relieved. I throw myself through the crowds, the whispered words swerve and I smile. I spot you from a distance and all strife I’ve put on myself, all strife that others have forced me to carry gently slips away, joining the sewage it deserves while I laugh for good.
Written: 12/4/16 8:03pm