I used to be soft, my heart bending to a simple please and thank you. I won an award simply by being quiet and smiling. It wasn’t hard to do. Seeing the stars made me dream and I felt like I was spinning endlessly. Yet, my softness allowed me to get sick quite often. I found myself crippled and aching, but I continued smiling. I didn’t think that building a wall would help my case because all around me, people brandished their swords back at anything that appeared sharp.
I’m hard now and I only smile whenever I feel that the world is slowly slipping into a grey zone. I stare straight ahead and keep my thoughts neutral knowing that people would think of me as a bitch. I keep to myself to avoid it back firing onto myself. I watch the stars rotate around me and I quietly allow tears to come to my eyes because they remind me of dreams I’m working towards. Yet, people would tell me that they believed in me and people would tell me that they can understand what I’m going through. They extended their hand while I stared at it like a foreign object.
I guess you live and learn.
Written: 10/29/16 7:00pm