My dear friend, there’s something that’s bothering me. It’s not the usual question that I ask of if I’m worthy enough for you or if I am good enough. No, it’s a recent thought because of recent events. When I reveal my most human side, the side where I slip up, the side where I let my rawness show too much and it rubs you the wrong way and it forces you to stand up on the defensive, I am taken aback and then I am ashamed. I’m shocked of how I could possibly make a mistake. How could I when I’ve paid attention to make sure there are no faults in our friendship. I wanted it to be pure. I wanted it to be carefree as well. How could I have risked a chance in increasing the reasons for you to never speak to me again. I’ve always wanted someone to protect me. I’ve wanted a friend like you for a long time. And now, it appears that I may have opened the door destined to be shut.
My dear friend, there’s something that’s bothering me. There are usual points in our friendship when our limps are supported by each other’s gait . There are usual points when we laugh and the harsh edges of the world disappears and I hold those moments dear to my heart just as much as I hold my screw ups close. They reverberate in my head until they’re magnified and all I can do is stop and stare in horror as I continue to fail. What can I do? Isn’t it clear that I obsess over perfection – someone who is friends with you, someone who makes no mistakes. I long for perfection because I’m filled with the opposite.
Written: 10/16/16 12:12am
