It’s been a while since I’ve written a mentality piece. Here’s how I’m doing.
The last time I checked in, I was using distraction to help myself out and I ended up feeling quite conflicted about that. That was during the summer, one of the more difficult summers I’ve had to deal with. Through this difficulty, I had long talks with my friend and he helped me out a lot, so upon coming back to school, I had a lot to look forward to. I was starting fresh again.
I found myself more comfortable with myself and the campus. I didn’t care as much and I only cared about things that really mattered to me to save my sanity. I found myself appreciating little things because I knew that last year, I wasn’t doing well at all. I knew I was lucky to even have friends that I have now. I found myself being more willing to talk to people and I got better at it! I had to tell my mind that it’s fine. When I did mess up like I did something awkward or I stuttered, I would just tell myself that it’s still fine. Just try again. I just laughed off my little slip ups and walked away. I learned that distractions aren’t healthy and I slowly learned to deal with things right as they come or just avoid letting something be so big that it would crush me.
I’m happy to announce that I’m doing better now. 😀
I did fall a couple times, but I rose up faster than was able to last year because of the people I’ve surrounded myself with. I still get nervous and shaky, but I remember that I can try again and that people will listen to me. I just have to get it out of myself. And I realized that since I’m a student, I should not let stress get the best of me. For some time, I was actually quite sick because of stress.
But I’m better now. 🙂
I slowly found that I can’t really tell everyone everything for the sake of my sanity and for the sake of not spreading myself thin. I’m at the point where I’m defining friendship and tailoring that definition to me. I’m at that point where relationships are popping into my mind and I start to wonder. Am I ready?
Here comes a new challenge now that I’m starting new and it feels good to be regaining my self-esteem and confidence. I refuse to beat myself up because I deserve love. I’m going to start by really loving myself. As the saying goes, “Change starts from yourself”. You just have to try again and you can get through it. It’s not about “Everything will be okay.” but, it’s about “Hang in there!”
You are capable. You are enough. You can.
Thank you for all your help and for listening to me.
Stay strong, friends.