It’s been a while since I’ve posted a Mentality post and I thought I would update you guys.
When I was in fourth grade, I became more aware of everything from my body image to how I fit in with other people. I became more reserved and that was when I dove further into books and avoided the things that were difficult to process. That was also when I had a fear of death and it would keep me up for hours while I tried to wrap my head around it.
Time went on and I got better at dealing with my problems by myself. My method wouldn’t be to face it, but it would be to distract myself from my problems and pretend that it never happened. I would immediately plug into a book or music and tune myself away for a couple hours. Granted, my problems would accumulate and they would eventually be way too big for me to deal with. Even now that I’ve learned that my worries have a name, I still resort to this method. I need to learn to let things go and move on.
Naturally, change is incredible difficult for me. During the summer before I left for college, I had a panic attack every single week because I was so uncertain and terrified of going to college. The week of graduation, I had a panic attack every single day and even during graduation, I was depressed. The age I’m in right now is full of adjustments and changes, so I definitely need to accept change. I know that change is inevitable, but it’s so difficult to go through with it for me and break a comfortable routine.
This is my mentality as of now- I feel rather confused.
Thanks for reading Mentality.